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| Krang's body, pictured with Shredder (Left) and Krang (Centre) |
Krang's body (real name Kevin F. Body Jr.) was constructed somewhere in the depths of Dimension X, at an undisclosed time in an unknown location.
From a young age, Kevin struggled to fit in with the mutant kids in his neighbourhood, often finding himself verbally mocked over his physical appearance; not just because he was eight foot tall and had a giant hole in his abdomen where his gut should be, but also because for some reason he required glasses to see in spite of the fact that he was a robot. Even though he had a dual cerebral pentium IV processing core for a brain, Kevin was a complete and utter idiot from a scholastic viewpoint, racking up a total of 120 points on his Mutant Academy Leaving Certificate, the majority of which came from an average result in his strongest subject, Business Studies.
His poor academic scores, coupled with his refusal to wear anything more than large red underpants and shoulder guards meant that Kevin struggled to get a job anywhere. Following a failed interview with KFC (Kryptonian Fried Chicktopus) in downtown Dimension X (where Kevin inadvertently cooked the assistant manager while trying to make some baked beans), his interviewer, one Dean Catface, told Kevin that he would struggle to be taken seriously anywhere if he continued to dress like a professional wrestler.
"Oh he was a moron. The worst interview candidate we've ever had, and I've given jobs to rubbish bins and lamp posts in my time here. Good staff are hard to come by in Dimension X these days."
The feedback Kevin received from that fateful interview stuck with him for many weeks, and eventually when he came to the decision that he absolutely would not be altering the way he dressed himself in the morning, Kevin decided that perhaps it was time to put this advice to use and become a pro wrestler. He left Dimension X to join the WWE on planet Earth, impressing owner Vince McMahon with his sheer size and demeanor.
"He was huge. He had the outfit. He was incredibly dumb. All in all, he was the perfect wrestler. I told him I needed a new tag team to add to the ranks, and if he could find himself a tag team partner, I'd give them a shot at the interdimensional title."
Kevin pitched the idea to a youngster that he occasionally hung around with in Dimension X by the name of Bebop, who agreed to the job immediately. Bebop figured that he was already getting his ass kicked by a bunch of mutant turtles week in week out, so it made sense that he should be getting paid to get his ass kicked instead.
Together, the pair took the wrestling world by storm. Initially, they called themselves "Dimension X", but were quickly forced to change due to the negative connotations this name had for their place of birth. They then changed it to "D-Generation X", which sparked a vicious feud with another team by the same name. The Intergalactic title took on a whole new perspective as it was decided that the winners of the fight would also keep the tag team name "D-Generation X".
Kevin and Bebop lost the fight, but furthermore, they lost their passion for the world of wrestling entertainment. Without the name "D-Generation X", they failed to see the point of continuing, and immediately retired from the WWE. On their return back home to Dimension X, both men were at a loose end, and when Bebop decided to go back to his old job getting the shit kicked out of him by the Turtles, Kevin tagged along to see if there might be a job for him too. To his good fortune, a use was found for him immediately, as a host body for the evil Dimension X super villain Krang, where he became known by one and all in their syndicate as "Krang's Body".
The rest of the story is history as they say, and the details of the subsequent decade are thoroughly laid out in the documentary "The Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles", as I'm sure you are all aware. But, as we all know, the point of this investigative series is to find out whatever happened to Krang's Body, and in truth, an answer to this question was very difficult to come by. Towards the latter end of the reign of the Krang crime syndicate, Kevin Body started to have second thoughts about whether or not he wanted to continue in the life of crime he had gotten himself into. He confided these doubts about his career choices to a member of the foot clan, who unbeknownst to Kevin happened to be an undercover operative from the Intergalactic Bureau of Investigation that had infiltrated the organization some years before. Within two months, Kevin had turned state's witness, giving crucial evidence which put Krang away in Intergalactic Prison for seventeen consecutive life sentences. As part of the deal, Kevin was put into witness protection, had his memory drives completely wiped and his vision receptacles amended, before being given a whole new identity software suite. He was sent to live on Earth, and given a cushy job in the only profession that his Mutant Academy Leaving Cert Business Studies results could facilitate.
"Why waste time with so many word when few word do trick?"
Kevin is monitored 24/7 by a team of IBI agents posing as documentary makers in order to ensure his safety, but at this stage the risks to his well-being are minimal, since Krang died unexpectedly last year in a horrible prison gardening accident. Kevin appears to be happy with his new life in Scranton Pennsylvania, safe in the ignorant bliss of his violent past. His handlers keep a close watch on him to make sure he is insulated from his memories, as per the terms of his witness protection agreement, but every now and again there are whispers and rumours around the office about the true nature of his past...
Rex Banner, 2018.
"Who's been saying there is another person inside of me, working me with controls?"
His poor academic scores, coupled with his refusal to wear anything more than large red underpants and shoulder guards meant that Kevin struggled to get a job anywhere. Following a failed interview with KFC (Kryptonian Fried Chicktopus) in downtown Dimension X (where Kevin inadvertently cooked the assistant manager while trying to make some baked beans), his interviewer, one Dean Catface, told Kevin that he would struggle to be taken seriously anywhere if he continued to dress like a professional wrestler.
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| Dean Catface - Proprietor of Kryptonian Fried Chicktopus |
"Oh he was a moron. The worst interview candidate we've ever had, and I've given jobs to rubbish bins and lamp posts in my time here. Good staff are hard to come by in Dimension X these days."
The feedback Kevin received from that fateful interview stuck with him for many weeks, and eventually when he came to the decision that he absolutely would not be altering the way he dressed himself in the morning, Kevin decided that perhaps it was time to put this advice to use and become a pro wrestler. He left Dimension X to join the WWE on planet Earth, impressing owner Vince McMahon with his sheer size and demeanor.
 |
| Vince McMahon - Circus Ringmaster |
Kevin pitched the idea to a youngster that he occasionally hung around with in Dimension X by the name of Bebop, who agreed to the job immediately. Bebop figured that he was already getting his ass kicked by a bunch of mutant turtles week in week out, so it made sense that he should be getting paid to get his ass kicked instead.
Together, the pair took the wrestling world by storm. Initially, they called themselves "Dimension X", but were quickly forced to change due to the negative connotations this name had for their place of birth. They then changed it to "D-Generation X", which sparked a vicious feud with another team by the same name. The Intergalactic title took on a whole new perspective as it was decided that the winners of the fight would also keep the tag team name "D-Generation X".
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| File Photo from the Intergalactic Title fight. (From left to right: Bebop, X-Pac, Kevin Body and Road Dogg) |
Kevin and Bebop lost the fight, but furthermore, they lost their passion for the world of wrestling entertainment. Without the name "D-Generation X", they failed to see the point of continuing, and immediately retired from the WWE. On their return back home to Dimension X, both men were at a loose end, and when Bebop decided to go back to his old job getting the shit kicked out of him by the Turtles, Kevin tagged along to see if there might be a job for him too. To his good fortune, a use was found for him immediately, as a host body for the evil Dimension X super villain Krang, where he became known by one and all in their syndicate as "Krang's Body".
The rest of the story is history as they say, and the details of the subsequent decade are thoroughly laid out in the documentary "The Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles", as I'm sure you are all aware. But, as we all know, the point of this investigative series is to find out whatever happened to Krang's Body, and in truth, an answer to this question was very difficult to come by. Towards the latter end of the reign of the Krang crime syndicate, Kevin Body started to have second thoughts about whether or not he wanted to continue in the life of crime he had gotten himself into. He confided these doubts about his career choices to a member of the foot clan, who unbeknownst to Kevin happened to be an undercover operative from the Intergalactic Bureau of Investigation that had infiltrated the organization some years before. Within two months, Kevin had turned state's witness, giving crucial evidence which put Krang away in Intergalactic Prison for seventeen consecutive life sentences. As part of the deal, Kevin was put into witness protection, had his memory drives completely wiped and his vision receptacles amended, before being given a whole new identity software suite. He was sent to live on Earth, and given a cushy job in the only profession that his Mutant Academy Leaving Cert Business Studies results could facilitate.
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| Kevin Malone, AKA Kevin Body, AKA Krang's Body |
"Why waste time with so many word when few word do trick?"
Kevin is monitored 24/7 by a team of IBI agents posing as documentary makers in order to ensure his safety, but at this stage the risks to his well-being are minimal, since Krang died unexpectedly last year in a horrible prison gardening accident. Kevin appears to be happy with his new life in Scranton Pennsylvania, safe in the ignorant bliss of his violent past. His handlers keep a close watch on him to make sure he is insulated from his memories, as per the terms of his witness protection agreement, but every now and again there are whispers and rumours around the office about the true nature of his past...
Rex Banner, 2018.
 |
| The American Office: Season 6 Episode 1 - "Gossip" |
"Who's been saying there is another person inside of me, working me with controls?"
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